Self (as Nikolai Volkoff)

Jackie Flannagan

Raven Madd

Dario Dragani

Daisy Derkins

Silas Killington

Alicia Botti

El Gaucho

Sonny Graves

Sara Tonin

Sister Sensei

Sister Slaughter

Sister Spinkick

Sister Stiletto

Misty Rex

Manny Murderously / El Guido

Narrator

Debbie Derkins

Dallas

Hellter Skelter / Gas Masked Henchman

Young Silas Killington

Kid Who Goes on to be a Serial Killer

Sleazy Neighbor / Wrestling Fan