John and his father compete in a battle of the bulge to see who can slim down faster; Kate tries not to get strong-armed into running the church potluck.
The DiRestas offer to host Tully and Amanda's wedding, but the bride's family is rather snooty; meanwhile, John finds a dead transit cop---under his kitchen sink.
John works as a security guard at a heavy-metal concert featuring an artist from his youth -- but his chance to see his onetime idol doesn't pan out the way he hoped.
DiResta is put in charge of supervising a young graffiti artist while he scrubs his work from the subway, but the kid's father doesn't show up to get him and John ends up baby-sitting.
Sgt. Kazmerek is even crankier than usual and ends up having Thanksgiving dinner at the DiResta household, where John realizes they actually have a few things in common.
John and Kate start bickering ""like an old married couple,"" so they decide to send the kids away to their aunt's and take a romantic afternoon – except there isn't much romance...
DiResta is in line for a Medal of Honor when he foils a robbery on the subway by whacking the perp with a sub sandwich. However, the man he saved is a two-timing city councilman.
John decides to take up an offer of optional life insurance that promises a large payoff, and then finds out he must have a colonoscopy -- which first requires an enema.
John mouths off at Sgt. Kazmerek in front of two recruits, losing vacation time that Kate was looking forward to. But he can get it back if he helps Kazmerek get a commendation.