Kyle Cease thinks adults deserve recess more than kids, that real life should have cheat codes and that SunnyD is just the best worst beverage option.
Jeff Garcia explains how bad credit can have its advantages, lists which airlines terrorists shouldn't mess with and discusses his grandparents' contentious marriage.
Bill Santiago explains why Spanglish is the perfect American language, recalls being a "Founding Papi" in a school play and waxes nostalgic for White Castle sliders.
Becky Pedigo shares stories about bombing in country western bars, cutting her own hair and her mother's racist safety advice.
Peter Berman explains why Las Vegas is simultaneously the best and the worst, why he always roots for the umpire, and why he stayed in a bad relationship for way too long.
Ben Bailey explains why married life is incompatible with strip clubs, marvels at the stench of New York City and describes his misadventures on the subway.
Brian Kiley recalls his wife’s unusual pregnancy cravings, his uncle’s unfortunate hunting accident and planning his marriage proposal.
Pat Dixon talks about his experiences with drugs, explains why "fiance" is a more appealing term than "spouse" and justifies his preference for mid-level hotels.
Andy Kindler recalls his experience with marijuana in Amsterdam, examines the downside to the civil rights movement and describes his aversion to astrology.
John Caparulo describes the downside of travel, recalls weird neighborhood yard sales and discusses living with exotic pets.
Nick Swardson debuts a sexy new fragrance for men, explains his picky dating habits and wonders why people need reminders to not bring bombs on planes.
Arj Barker expresses his disgust with Halloween's urban legend laziness, Citibank's terrible spelling and Google's haughty search suggestions.
Todd Barry returns from a camp in Tahiti to share his story of a botched date with Julia Roberts and describes his great new apartment.
Jon Reep shares his love of beer, demonstrates his childhood dance moves and impersonates an NFL referree.
Tammy Pescatelli recalls performing at a Playboy benefit, explains the dangers of breast implants and weighs in on modern fashion trends.
Megan Mooney talks about wrecking stuff with her nephews, dealing with questions about when she'll have kids of her own and the fan base of "The Price Is Right."
Greg Fitzsimmons describes how his chidren inspire him, explains why parents have morning sex and weighs in on life in Los Angeles.
Ted Alexandro recalls his time as a music teacher in New York City public schools, examines modern hip hop and explains why President George W. Bush embarrasses him.
Mike Birbiglia laments his dreams of being a rapper and vents about his annoyance over "Olive Garden Italian."
Steve Byrne offers a trick for avoiding political discussions, describes the worst thing that can happen in a car and explains why he hates renting movies.
Rod Man talks about getting short-changed at church, admits that the heat would keep him from participating in a Civil Rights march and describes his stint at Cracker Barrel.
DeRay Davis talks about his grim childhood, debates going Dutch on dates and reveals his favorite type of woman.
Ty Barnett imagines a heaven that doesn't allow nerds, explains why he wasn't cut out for street gangs and suggest that FEMA members should watch more action films.
Rickey Smiley recounts his experience with an elderly stripper, impersonates a little old lady reading church announcements and explains black funerals.
